Closure of my 2010

Sitting here up in my room, I'm thinking about how this year 2010 has been for me. There wasn't much to say because it was just too ordinary I guess. Flashing back, what have I done? What have I been through? What had happened?

Jan 2010
It was the 5th month I started my first fulltime job after graduation. Nothing much this month, except the Norweigian Salmon workshop. I pretty much just stood there and watch while the students get the hand's-on experience. Oh, not forgetting the family crisis on the first day of the year. I predicted a bad start and yup. Affirmative!

Feb 2010
Hmm..February, February..Other than Chinese New Year break there wasn't really much going on. Just on the 14th February, a constant thought's of Zul. Because he was the reason I felt loved on the Valentine's Day a year before this. It was a simple text message, "Happy Valentines Day" after we had spent a few hours together watching the dark grey sky on the island. Other than that...nothing much.

Mar 2010
The most exciting month of the YEAR! I went Roadtripping! Thailand..ahh yess Thailand. I went with Phyllis, Wendy and KK for about a little more than a week. It was an awesome and speedboat torturing experience! BUT BREATHE TAKING views of beautiful islands and beaches. Of course not forgetting a nice tan! Gawd! Gotta miss that TAN! I wished Zul would have joined me, but he couldn't because of his travelling restrictions. On that island we could have beer bottles in our hands and just walked around like it was our home! People were so laid back and friendly. Gonna have to go back again! Sometime soon I hope!

Apr 2010
For work, it was just meetings after meetings and stresses OVER stresses. It was all hardwork. But then again, the highlight of this month of the year would be..the EVER SO GREAT KELLY CLARKSON's CONCERT!! Cheaaaaaaayaaaaaaaa! I went with my Sister of course..diehard fans of KC. We had a reaaaaaaaaaaally good time singing along and screaming our lungs out till we lose our voice. It was memorable..TOO memorable. It only lasted for 2 hours. But it was worth it! We were in the ROCK ZONE BABY!

May 2010
Labour day first day of the month, PUBLIC Holis for sure! Then another exciting event that happened this month was...an AFC event whom had brought the ever so beautiful Laura Calder to the university for a 3 nights dinner!! It was a really taxing event, so much to do and too many dramas that actually went on too. But being able to snap a picture with her at the end of the programme it was..SO WORTH IT. Then, I also got invited to attend one of Zul's student's dinner event up in Genting. It was a great night too, and the food was good. And I think the students did manage to pull it off with cool bidding system to SELL their beverages. Great job guys. Then, we, KahWing, Elaine, and Zhen Hui also spent a night up in Genting after the dinner. That was one of the best time I have had being able to spend sometime with him.

June 2010
Uhm...neh..nothing much.

July 2010
OH! I cannot forget this trip. It involves buffalos and car crash. I got invited to attend Vivien's wedding in Penang. So me and Zul decided to travel by night to Penang after work. As I was driving, 110KM/hr on the highway after a pitstop. For some reasons, I saw something awkward on the road. Then I flashed my HEADLIGHTS. BAM! 3 Buffalos were crossing the road and I had to drift immediately to avoid it BUT I failed to avoid the crash from the car below. I was terrified, so was Zul. It was horrible that I couldn't even THINK straight. But thanks to Zul to have been by my side and had some how "entertained" those other people involved. Don't really wished to go into so much details about this. But there goes the ride and the drive. Knowing my parents would not be so happy about this, I didn't call them until the sun's up which was the next day. AS long as we were BOTH not hurt. It won't be a great deal.

Aug 2010
Not interested to highlight anything about work. But I did go for a mini roadtrip with some friends. Leetien, her sister, and Zhen hui to Malacca. I've invited Zul to come too but, due to some restrains he couldn't make it. I wished he did though. All about this trip was..FOOD FOOD and FOOD.

Sept 2010
This month, is considered an up hill and down hill of my love story. It was Hari Raya break, he went back to hometown. Oh man...I missed him. I missed him so much. Yet there he went and gave me this cold shot. However, during the times he was in hometown, we caught up. Text messages, and phone calls. I love them. It was the first time, after a long time, he actually said "I love you" over the phone. I love this man with all my might and mind and soul. "I love you" was the 3 words I've been longing to hear from him. He said it, he said it finally. I was thinking, it was all worth while.

Oct 2010
YAY! My birthday month! My birthday party wasn't really that amusing because some fight scene got into action. Let's no need to go there. It was dissappointing because I did not get to spend it with Zul. I had to make a phone call to him and invited him again to come out yet I got rejected. But he pulled it off with "Happy Birthday" and "I love you" how amazing was that? After that, we didn't really spend time like how we used to. We didn't texted or talked on the phone as often as we used to. It was a heartbroken month for me after all.

Nov 2010
The heartaches from the previous month, lingers. I was losing focus. My love life shatters like broken pieces of mirrors. I gave up (literally). It was the most down times of my life. I realized, a friend in need, is never a case of a friend in deed. The friends that I thought I had, the friends that I thought I could turn to like how they turned to me when they needed some company. I was wrong. Friends, can be selfish most of the time. Sometimes they are not willing to give up that couple hours just because you have gave yours to them. It was never the case. Never. Never. And November, work was disasterous. Zul was the only one I could turn to, to talk about work problems. But, he is not there anymore. I figured, crying was the only thing I could do. November 2010 were my "trail of tears"

Dec 2010
Needless to say just YET.

The Thoughts Inside Me.

If you can't take the pain, Don't make the fall.
If you won't be there, Don't make promises at all.

You went out with 2, then ditched 1. So you won't cheat the other.
It's so not FAIR, you'd rather hurt me and kept her happy.

I've never Hated someone so badly as I am Hating you now. Thank you for the fucking Memory.
The thoughts of you, is killing me. Cheated. Hurt. Played a fool. My heart hurts like needles pierced by You.

I hope to Haunt you when you kiss her on her lips.
I hope to Haunt you when you hold her hands on the street.
I hope to Haunt you when you share your meal and drinks with her.
I hope to Haunt you when you Tell her "I love you".
I hope to Haunt you when you and her are on the highway.
I hope to Haunt you when you are in bed with her. You see me.

How could you do this to me.
How could you captured my heart and tortured me.
How could you gave me plans, when you don't plan to walk with me.
How could you..

Do you know not there are feelings?
Do you know not what it is like to be hurt?
Do you know not I love you dearly?
Do you know not what you did hurts?
Do you know not that it kills me inside knowing you cheated?
Do you know not..

I, then realized.

I'm sitting here trying to write a sad account,
I'm sitting here trying to refresh my thoughts,
I'm sitting here trying to find my faults.

I, then realized, the fool I was,
I, then realized, the fool I am.

I'm sitting here thinking of the things you did,
I'm sitting here thinking about you and me,
I'm sitting here wondering if we are ever meant to be.

I, then realized, there were nothing you ever did for me,
I, then realized, an "Item" we never IS,
I, then realized, the one you wanted, wasn't me.

I'm sitting here NOW wondering whom it may be,
All these wonders are painstaking,
I'm sitting here NOW thinking, who is she,
All these thinking are killing me.

Whoever it maybe,
Just know I wished it was me,
Whatever it is, I hope that you,
Are Happy.

You came along.

It's been awhile, then you came along,
It's been awhile, I thought the feelings were gone.

You came along and showed me the way,
And walk the journey to Love again.

With me you said, you fell that night,
With me you said, I was all in your mind.

You came along and you showed me the way,
To walk the journey to my Heart again.

It's been awhile, since the last we talk,
It's been awhile, since the last we walked.

With me you said, "I am not pushing you away",
With me you said, I am just a friend.

You came along, and left me alone.
You came along, and now you're gone.

The feelings were never told,
The closure were unsure.

You came along, and left me alone.
You came along, and now you're gone.

What would it possibly take to WRITE again?

This time, I write FICTION. Perhaps a life style? Perhaps ... hmmmm

I have the idea in my head, but I am not sure IF I am able to make it work. It kind of sucks when knowing the things I would LIKE to write about would have to involve people that I want to involved them in but yet not sure IF they want to be INVOVLED.

Complication of speech up there ain't it? Yea...I feel the same way too.

Anyways, wouldn't hurt trying or die regreting..RIGHT?

SO I shall start with my points of questionings. IN hoping that I would make it more real...EVERY ONE loves reality point of views..I know I do...sometimes asking heartache questions may help in finding TRUE answers.

We shall see how it goes.

I want to try to write more localized, in Culinary terms.

Hmmmm