Upbeating conversation.

So...I had this conversation with my cousin the other day. Actually, I kind of started the conversation myself. Haha

Two of my buddy is getting married May and August (Gosh..do I have to remind myself?) Well, I was frustrated and annoyed by all the news at the same time Happy for the to-be -couples. Seriously I am..

Then I asked her if she ever feels lonely at times? She said yea and she went on telling how she would fantasize sexually with the guy that she had a crush on. I was like...um wow..interesting. I mean it is only human nature right?

After that awkward and unexpected conversation. She asked me something totally out of my expectation and yet expected. She was asking me if the guys are not attracted to me is it due to my facial condition? *to peeps that know me, you know what I am talking about* Yea the pimples and acnes scars on my face. I honestly do NOT have the money to go do anything extra to make it look a whole lot better for now but a wee-bit. Creams, facial wash, antibiotics (which makes me sick everytime I try to swallow them) this is ALL that I can do for now.

Um..well I know you are waiting on my answer to that question. I told her...without hesitation, I said "Yes" ... BECAUSE now don't squint your eyes reading that because there IS a BECAUSE.. Guys that I know of, did not actually bother to look at me deeper BUT just run through my appearance. They think that it is a waste of time I guess. Some they even talk about how good that particular girl look like RIGHT in my face. Let's just put it this way, I am...and I mean it. I am USED to it.

Sometimes I feel like I will die alone. BUT..yes BUT..no one deserves to die alone right? So much so it is true but..yes BUT again. It is a lil'bit difficult for me to find someone right now.

How I wish Chris was just here to make my dream come true. Infact he was the one that convinced me, not all guys look for appearance in prior. And when I asked him what is UGLY to him in a women. Surprisingly he said, ATTITUDE. *phew* I inhaled and exhaled with relieve. At least there is ONE person in this world that thinks I am pretty?

If only a man later in future *but hurry..hahaha* will see me deeper that just my look. I may not be the smartest woman in school, I may not be the prettiest, but I am trying to be who I am suppose to be and an acceptable me.

And I still think that, no matter how ugly a woman thinks she is. Nick once told me, you have to believe in yourself that you can be what YOU want to be, you got to be confident. I do believe that. Although it is hard for me to think or believe that I am the prettiest woman on the planet, but I am confident enough to believe that I am beautiful and attractive..not by looks but by my attitude.

There is nothing about this to be depressing about.