Upbeating conversation.

So...I had this conversation with my cousin the other day. Actually, I kind of started the conversation myself. Haha

Two of my buddy is getting married May and August (Gosh..do I have to remind myself?) Well, I was frustrated and annoyed by all the news at the same time Happy for the to-be -couples. Seriously I am..

Then I asked her if she ever feels lonely at times? She said yea and she went on telling how she would fantasize sexually with the guy that she had a crush on. I was like...um wow..interesting. I mean it is only human nature right?

After that awkward and unexpected conversation. She asked me something totally out of my expectation and yet expected. She was asking me if the guys are not attracted to me is it due to my facial condition? *to peeps that know me, you know what I am talking about* Yea the pimples and acnes scars on my face. I honestly do NOT have the money to go do anything extra to make it look a whole lot better for now but a wee-bit. Creams, facial wash, antibiotics (which makes me sick everytime I try to swallow them) this is ALL that I can do for now.

Um..well I know you are waiting on my answer to that question. I told her...without hesitation, I said "Yes" ... BECAUSE now don't squint your eyes reading that because there IS a BECAUSE.. Guys that I know of, did not actually bother to look at me deeper BUT just run through my appearance. They think that it is a waste of time I guess. Some they even talk about how good that particular girl look like RIGHT in my face. Let's just put it this way, I am...and I mean it. I am USED to it.

Sometimes I feel like I will die alone. BUT..yes BUT..no one deserves to die alone right? So much so it is true but..yes BUT again. It is a lil'bit difficult for me to find someone right now.

How I wish Chris was just here to make my dream come true. Infact he was the one that convinced me, not all guys look for appearance in prior. And when I asked him what is UGLY to him in a women. Surprisingly he said, ATTITUDE. *phew* I inhaled and exhaled with relieve. At least there is ONE person in this world that thinks I am pretty?

If only a man later in future *but hurry..hahaha* will see me deeper that just my look. I may not be the smartest woman in school, I may not be the prettiest, but I am trying to be who I am suppose to be and an acceptable me.

And I still think that, no matter how ugly a woman thinks she is. Nick once told me, you have to believe in yourself that you can be what YOU want to be, you got to be confident. I do believe that. Although it is hard for me to think or believe that I am the prettiest woman on the planet, but I am confident enough to believe that I am beautiful and attractive..not by looks but by my attitude.

There is nothing about this to be depressing about.

Another one..HAHA

What Chewie Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Um..interesting...

So...this is what I am..hahaha

What Jeffriese Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

wedding bells..wedding bells..

Ok now, what is UP with these people?
What is seriously up with the wedding bells?
Did it spoil again? keep ringing by itself?
GOSH! Stop it already...
Am I just being so damn stupid or is this too good to be true?

First it was James..who is going to be in MAY
Now Joanah my best girlfriend in AUG

Blekk..so tell me? What is UP with them? Ringing the bell at the time where I cannot make it?

That is so not fair! NOT FAIR..

At this point of my life, I thought of him. Which is just so ridiculusly REEDEECUELESS! Maybe I am just a wee-a-bit overwhelmed with the wedding bells that I am having flashbacks about him. GOSH this is so not right. He had hurt me DEEP enough for me not to think about him. He had hurt me DEEP enough for me to kill him **literally**. He had hurt me DEEP enough to...um anything and everything for me to NOT TO.

Sometimes, I wonder what would it be like if things didn't turn out to be what it is today. Will I have a better life? Would he changed? Would we be happy living out there wherever we wanted to be? **Sighs** then again, things in life is just very much unpredictable. Some people say, live and let live. Whatever that means to them, it definitely means, carry on and let go. I have carried on and I have let go **which I assumed to have**..Ok..now what the heck am I babbling about?

Gosh I have no idea..Maybe I am just trying to say something that I am not sure off. So...

And so it's here

2 weeks has passed by. Nothing much has been interesting for me except the fact that I went for a week vacation at Diba's hometown. She is a very special friend of mine, whom is an "Orang Asli" means, a Native Malaysian. Her people came to Malaysia which was then called Malaya long before anyone else resides.

Her village is basically in the jungle with homes made from bamboos. A very unique way of life. The one that still haunts me is their bathrooms, it used to be far away from their houses..but now it is built behind their homes. Bamboo houses are just so fun to live in but I doubt the bathrooms.

Of course we (me and Zameel) didn't stayed at the bamboo houses, because Diba's family has moved out to what we called a small town. Which means they are living in a HOUSE, a CONCRETE HOUSE with a familiar bathroom, kitchen, living room and bedrooms.

Oh...we have also tried some of their cuisines. It is not much but tapioca's, her Cousin Chef taught us the way they used to eat tapioca

1) Soak tapioca in water until soggy
2) Peel the skins off or leave it as it is
3) Pound it until it is crushed roughly smoothen
4) Flatten it like you would to pancake size
5) Place it onto a pan with medium heat
6) You can add in anything at all that you want to eat with it
example: salt & pepper, Roti canai gravy, Bolognaise sauce
7) I LOVE IT! but just maybe not for Zameel, he did not like the taste but oh well.

I thought this should be brought out to the city...because it is just some really traditional and special dish. It is one of they meal that the Orang Asli had to survive. It should be made known to the now trendy people who have money to spend on a French cuisine.

That whole week, we went to visit some villages, mountains, water falls, went to Tapah, Teluk Intan, Cameron Highlands.

It has been real fun, but I am not going to lie. The time passed at her home was rather boring because there basically have nothing much to do. A few days over there, when we were out, we were walking in the rain. Diba and Zameel kinda had enough but as for me, hey I DON'T MIND! haha

Now that I am home, been home for a week now. GAWD lucky for INTERNET or I would be bored to death by now. I just can't wait for school to start again...